The Little Murdermaid

Distinguishing Characteristics:

I have no cartilage in my nose.

Special Derby Move:

The Murdermaid Makeover. (Your new colours are black and blue).

Derby Diet Tips:

Ferrero Rocher…at least 24 a day

Earliest Roller Skating Memory:

I remember when I was 4 months old, I roller skated on all fours at St Clair. Apparently I started a couple of months before that but I can’t be expected to remember back that far.

Non-Derby-Confusion Moment:

My wedding ceremony was on a jetty and I booty checked my husband to be over the railing. He proceeded to hit his head on the way down and died. Jeez was my face red.

Origin of Derby Name:

I like mermaids and I like murdering people. It picked itself in the end.

Motto:

The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese

Theme Tune:

Wave of Mutilation – The Pixies

Bio:

My father King Triton, ruler of the Mer-people forbade me to play Roller Sea Derby as it was too dangerous for his baby Princess mermaid. I loved sea derby – I loved the thrill of the chase and playing with the big sharks. So I made a deal with Ursula the octo-pussy sea witch – The deal involved my tail turning into Riedell skates and moving onto the land. To repay Ursula I have to murder whoever she tells me to. There is no-rhyme-nor-reason as to who she has me kill, it could be anyone. My time on Terra Firma has only just begun, there is obviously no way of knowing how many bouts I will win or how many people I will murder, however the number is sure to be high on both counts.