Mental Defect

Distinguishing Characteristics:

Crooked smile, permanent frown line

Derby Assets:

Unpredictable lanky legs

Special Derby Move:

Half pike with a triple twist back somersault face plant

Greatest Derby Moment:

Discovering derby

Biggest Derby Regret:

Not discovering derby sooner

Preferred Skating Attire:

Shorts, tank top and several bruises

Gear Profile:

Riedell boots, Power-dyne plates, Sure Grip wheels, Protec protection gear

Favourite Off-Skates Activities:

Putting my skates back on!

Derby Diet Tips:

Sugar, sugar and more sugar makes for an excellent hyper

Off-skates Thrill Seeker Activities:

Anything that goes fast and ice cream, preferably at the same time

Derby Injuries:

Head checking the track causing mental defectiveness… oh wait that’s been since birth…….

Virtues:

Never hold a grudge – I can never remember what it was that pissed me off for long enough

Vices:

Farting in public and blaming someone else, so watch out when I booty block ya

Guilty Pleasures:

Straight jackets and chains

Earliest Roller-skating Memory:

Bay skate when I was a wee little tacker, I think, ummmm wait I’m confused

Memorable Derby-Related Dream:

That part of my brain was removed when they lobotomised me!

Non-Derby-Confusion Moment:

Hip checking my partner into bed.

Origin of Derby Name:

It was on my birth certificate  J  actually it was my 8-year-old daughter

Motto:

Blood is thicker than water and tastier too…

Theme Tune:

‘Bananas in Pyjamas’

Bio:

As mad as the mad hatter… but with a helmet… and female.